Tomorrow night Rock Bottom has plans of being a one ring circus. Mike will be your ringmaster, but he’ll be sticking his head into our fiercely stocked beer coolers, not a lion’s mouth. At stage left, DJ Guy-Pod will be kickin’ it the way only he can, pumping out jams smoother than Play-Doh noodles with imaginary marinara. Mmm, Mmm! Look for the hot pink spandex again. He’s knows it’s not what you want, but it is what you need. Bring your dancin’ pants and maybe your sunglasses too because DJGP is bringing his disco lights, laser beams, and fog machine. Wipe that look of disbelief off your face - Icelandic DJs don’t lie. But they do shave their mustaches off. Sorry ladies, no free rides this time. Come on down and see who’s preventing forest fires. Hint: they’ll probably be staring at the laser patterns on the wall.

Current standings in the RBCV hair farming contest: (* denotes late entry)
1 - Mike
2 - DooDoo
3 - Ding Don*
4 - Bill-dini* (Rincon’s #1 Magician)
5 - Joe*
6 - Kelly Slater

Contest insider info: Mike is the real deal. Sicker follicles than most. DooDoo’s hair may be attached to his hat. That’s grounds for disqualification. Ding Don is back sans perm, which = longer locks. Bill-dini grows it fast, that magical bastard. Joe just cut his hair yesterday. His heart doesn’t seem to be in it, but he’s still beating SL8R.

The cheesiness! The bacony-ness! Ohhh, beefy joy! These are the burgers other burgers wish they could be. These are the burgers others burger wish they could go to the prom with. These are the burgers that make you make borderline inappropriate moaning noises in public when you eat them. These are the burgers Hugh Hefner would live with if didn’t have slightly better options. We’re trying.
I’d also like to draw your attention to those beautiful golden rings in the background. Mmmmmm, beer battered onion rings - and Rock Bottom is the only joint in Rincon where you can get ‘em.
It’s so easy being greasy.
Let us help you out.

I know what you’re thinking. Something like, “Holy crap! Michael Felps pre-gamed at your mini-mart two weeks ago and you haven’t written about it until now?!” Truth is, we’re not sweatin’ it. So THE Puerto Rican Michael Felps came by and refreshed his gold medal collection with our Medallas. No biggie. You should see the guy rock swim though. And you thought he was fast in the water. Before he went on his way he mentioned that he’s really happy for the Filis of Filadelfia, but he’s not threatened by their championship status. Quoth Felps, “If they all wanna hang with me they need to win eight World Series in two weeks, and that ain’t gonna happen. Go me!!!”

The season is nearly upon us. We have been seeing more faces of strangers as well as stranger faces. A couple flocks of hottie touristas have already been sighted too, which reminds me, it’s time to dust of my VCR and my 8 Minute Abs video. I gotta get tuned up and shed my layer of summer blubber because chicks love six-packs, which is why it’s so great to work at Casa Verde where we have like infiniti six-packs of beer for sale. We also just got our new bev-fridge. It keeps our beers, in the words of that Bobby Brown Ghostbusters song, almost, “too cold to hold.” Also, the sliding doors on the fridge are still pretty stiff so you get a killer chest work out every time you go for a YooHoo. So come on down for a cold beer. If you don’t know me, I’ll be the guy with man-boobs doing laundry on my stomach.

After a three day closing for fall cleaning, Rock Bottom will re-open and rock out once again tonight. We’ve tweaked the place a little. Potato Head Pauly and the smoking octopus board have been accessorized and are now dressed for any occasion. We’ve added a timeout corner for the mongoloids, a measuring stick for our new carnival ride, and some new words of wisdom in the rafters from everyone’s favorite magician, Bill-dini pertaining to his most fundamental slight-of-hand technique. Coming soon is the RBCV pants-off dance-off. With our new fog machine and disco lights (and with DJ Guy-Pod waiting in the wings) we’ll be ready funk you up as hard as you can handle.

BAAAAAARgh FOOD!!! The season is almost upon us and Rock Bottom has the “new” menu ready to go. We’ll still be pumping out the dopest burgers in Puerto Rico along with quesadillas, wings, handmade mozz sticks, and your other bar food faves - now including a steak ‘n’ cheese sandwich. We made the salads walk the plank. Vegetarians and scallywags beware, we still have veggie burgers - but if we are what we eat, we’re hot tasty meat! Was that a hiaku? Almost. See you soon at Rock Bottom, where you get your grub-on and drink-on in Rincon.

Hey all you sissy surfers, there’s a new sheriff in town… Spotted off Sandy Beach a few days ago this fourteen-month-old was seen shooting out of barrel after barrel. She out paddled everyone even though her arms can’t reach over the rails of her board. Figure that one out. AND she surfs in a sweatsuit (and a diaper). Could this be the next big trend in surfing? Sweaty surfing? If this mystery surfer keeps shredding like this, I’ll wear two hoodies during my next session.

We (heart) Lionel Richie Day was a stunning success. It all started in the wee hungover hours of the early afternoon here at Rock Bottom as DooDoo and Turbo opened for business. Lionel’s Say You, Say Me provided a calming ambiance as we “kicked the tires and lit the fires.” They had forgotten about the “awesome” lyrics and the entirely unexpected synthesizer rock-out that serves as the bridge. By the second playing of the song DooDoo and Turbo were working out the choreography that would serve as the catalyst for the evening’s shenanigans. When night fell, Say You, Say Me had played eight times already, and, counterintuitively, a crowd had gathered and started to rally for such a limited playlist. The somewhat synchronized dance moves of the staff became infectious and lead to some spirited interpretive dancing, mostly of the topless variety, on behalf of our patrons.
Thank you Lionel, thank you. The tally at the end of the day for Lionel songs played read:
Easy - 1
All Night Long - 6
Say You, Say Me - 17

All our tasty ice cream treats are $1. Oh, what to do? Eat cheap ice cream or surf?