Hey guys, thanks for coming back to Casa Verde! You all put the “rock” in Rock Bottom for a few days. I know I told you I’d get a group photo and put it up on this here blog, but I never got to take one. So here’s the deal: I Googled “johnson,” and I Googled “wales” and posted the first picture that came up for each one. If you ever send me a group photo, I’ll get you on here. Until then it’s Jack Johnson and a map of Wales.

Hey guys at Surfing magazine, if you’re out there and you can hear me, thanks for the shout-out in this month’s You Look Like You Could Use a Vacation edition (Feb 2010).
Surfing mag mentioned us as a rad place to stay in Rincon, and we aren’t arguing with ‘em.
“Casa Verde leaves you wondering: Is it a guesthouse with a club, or a club with a guesthouse?” Sometimes even we don’t know, but either way, it’s a damn good time.

Mmm Mmmmm!!! Tastes like broccoli.
There aren’t any tofu-pigs in Rincon, so we roasted a real one instead to celebrate vegetarianism. It’s the thought that counts, right?
This little piggy went right to our bellies. We want this baby’s ribs back because they were dee-lish.
Senor Swine here was actually the main course in our celebration of Discovery Day, a Puerto Rican holiday that celebrates Chrissy Columbus’s landing on the island back in 1942 after WWI. Little known fact: The crest on Columbus’s flag that he planted that day depicted a bikini-clad beer commercial model riding on a horse, riding on a sailboat that ran aground on a pig farm. Hence, the drunken riding of horses and eating of lechon on Discovery Day. Thus concludes today’s free history lesson.

Not quite Bigfoot, but definitely afoot nonetheless. In a time of crop circles, UFOs, Loch Ness Monster(s), tooth fairies, and chupacabras – strange days are here indeed.

I felt safe here at Casa Verde… until a few days ago. I was walking in the gutter outside Casa Verde, trying to find my mind, when I stumbled across this!!!

I’ve never seen or heard of such phenomena, but this is clearly a penis puddle! I don’t know if it’s good luck or bad, a blessing or a curse. It gets bigger when it rains, but if it rains too much it disappears completely. In the words of the late Kurt Vonnegut, “So it goes.”
Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and claim that we are home of the only, and soon to be world famous, penis puddle in the world – certainly the only in Puerto Rico, so make your reservations now. We’re about to be booked years and years in advance, so get on it.

Now I can see you’re nuts!

The Puerto Rico Tourism inspector just came by a few days ago to check out our goodies, and she liked what see saw. So we get another fancy permit. Yippee skippy. What does this mean for you? It means Casa Verde Guest House is all gussied-up and ready for the prom. Now we need a sexy date to take us out, get us drunk, and sort out the bad decisions in the morning. That’s where you come in. The rooms are looking great. Our feng shui is all good, and the price is right, so let’s do this!

If Pee Wee Herman can have one, dammit, so can we – a word of the day.
Over a few Don Q and Cokes this morning, I mean, this afternoon (which one of the 12 steps were we on yesterday?), we were discussing intelligence and stupidity.

Of course, stupidity, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder i.e. “When I be holdin’ dis beer yew sher seem cute/smart.” The discussion panel decided that sometimes “smart” people do stupid things – like locking their keys in the car while it’s still running or running out of TP and having to use paper towels (oh come on, you’ve done it, and by the way Smartypants, where’s your degree from?). Other times “retarded” people do smart things – like Forrest Gump investing in Apple computers or the shrimping business. Hey, it’s better to be lucky than good. Anyway, today’s word of the day isn’t even a real word – yet. It’s a hybrid of the words smart and retarded. Without further ado, today’s word is…

resmarded – adj. slang. used to describe a person or act that is a strange blend of intelligence and stupidity. Example: Larry is so resmarded, he has a PhD in physics but he couldn’t open the door at the bank because he was pushing on it when the sign clearly said “pull.”
variant:
resmard – n. slang. a person who seems both smart and retarded. Example: Did you hear what Larry did at the bank? He’s such a resmard.

This is a knife.

Yo Mick, where were you when I needed you? Probably chasing sheilas and slamming Victoria Bitters at the the pub, weren’t you laid back leathery bastard. I forgive you though because that’s one nice coat.

Jacko has passed on, marking the end of a period in time when most people in the world went from verbally hating-on him to a time when those same people fervently declared what true, undying (so far) fans they’ve been all along. You silly turncoats. Funny how it took a dude’s death for it to be okay for you to finally “blast” Human Nature from your Geo Prism’s “system” and not worry about being publicly chastised for being a pansy. Enjoy.
In other news, I read somewhere on the internet (which means it’s true) that MJ – on a slow night – would down 10 Xanax before bed. You know, just to take the edge off. Other nights he reportedly chomped down 30-40 Xannies. Yeah, I know. Hooooooly shnikes!!!
It is sad that the best dancer in history and inventor of The Moonwalk has died, but let’s focus on happier things like other under-celebrated dance moves – like the Truffle Shuffle.

I feel better already. After all, it’s way easier to do than the Moonwalk, and Goonies never die, so Chunk will never let us down. Sweet, right? Or is it Goonies never say die? Whatever. Look it up on the internet. I have some shufflin’ to do.

Allow me to share an email from a recent guest, if I may:
Billy and the Staff,
I just want to thank you for the awesome time that I had staying at Casa Verde! The place was clean, service was excellent, and any problem was addressed immediately. I could not have asked for a better place to stay. You guys were awesome and I just thought you should know it. I will definitely recommend your place and I will be back. You made my first time to Puerto Rico a great time. I miss sitting out on my chair outside the room and listening to the ocean. I think I spent a lot of my four days on that chair, but I would not trade it for anything! I am back in 33 degree weather at night, so be thankful that you are in paradise.
Thanks again!
Mrs. ___________ (named protected for the sake of mysteriousness)
Well, THANK YOU Mrs. ________! Word up. Now it’s time for the awesome song!
If you’re awesome and you know it clap your hands!!! If you’re awesome and you know it clap your hands!!! If you’re awesome and you know it then your blog will surely show it! If you’re awesome and you know it chug a beer!
Go us!!!

Billy finally got his AARP card – in duplicate!!! They spell AARP different in Spanish, but whatever. What does AARP or ARPE even stand for? No one really knows. Association for Recycled Prosthetic Elbows? Always Arranging Ripe Pineapples? Maybe. Much the same as a diploma or degree, nothing really changes when you get one. When asked, Billy said he felt no physical or emotional change – so we decided to get drunk.