Merry Christmas!

DooDoo — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 18:06:21 +0000

Merry Christmas boys and girls! If you were a good boy or girl this year, we have whatever you may wish for at Casa Verde - as long as you wish for beer, booze, and burgers. If you want reliable electricity, steaming hot water, and a mint on your pillowcase - BAH RUMBUG!!! There are less fortunate people (on Wall Street) that would be perfectly happy with our 3Bs. Don’t get greedy now. Santa is still watching, you little grinch you! He might even be surfing, but he still sees you.

Proof that Rock Bottoms rocks

DooDoo — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:33:48 +0000

Rock Bottom rocks! I know it. You know. Your mom, depending who she is, knows it too. And now we have proof of how much some folks love this bar. Last night, I mean, this morning RBCV encountered its first somnambulist, which is a fancy word for sleep walker (in case it’s ever on your crossword puzzle). One of our guests rocked out hard on his last night here at Casa Verde where he’d been having an incredible time. At 6:15 this morning, our security cameras showed some activity at the bar. This fine young gent sleep walked from his room back up to the bar before sunrise, climbed up on to the bar, where he writhed around and fell back to sleep for about twenty minutes, nuzzling into the hardwood like it was a down comforter. He “woke up” again, sleep walked to the other side of the bar, and started to get cozy again before finally sleep walking back to his room. Some video analysts claim there was some subconscious pelvic thrusting going on on top of the bar. Hey, if you love Rock Bottom, you love Rock Bottom, whether you know it or not.

Blog spam poetry?

DooDoo — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:18:10 +0000

This blog, like most others I’m sure, receives a lot of spam - and not the tasty canned kind. I didn’t think there was anything interesting about spam until this occurred to me today… the first few words of consecutive spam messages sounds an awful lot like an e.e. cummings poem. For those that don’t know, Mr. Cummings was an early to mid 1900s poet who was highly experimental with form, syntax, and punctuation usage, making him known for a markedly idiosyncratic style. Nevertheless, he is one of the U.S.’s most influential though lesser known poets because he played second fiddle to Robert Frost. If you haven’t heard of Frost, go back to middle or high school and stay awake during English. Anyhoo, what follows are a few first lines of spam we received strung together to sounds mildly poetic. Keep in mind, Valentine’s day is on the distant horizon, so you can steal this bologna and used it on your significant other after a few cocktails. Your other probably won’t get it at all, which is your opportunity to vaguely explain “your poem” and sound dark and mysterious i.e. more savvy in the sack - your welcome ahead of time bro. If he or she claims he/she likes the poem and “gets” what your saying, you are dating an idiot. Congratulations. Enjoy the as yet untitled “poem.”

Jeremy and worried for
archives does more queries:
move those combines
earth! they amon dip-
fourth shift; made sense
ship confiscate the, dreamers
steam kissed precisely that
morning was overrun.

What the?

DooDoo — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 20:55:00 +0000

Tomato mustard and yellow ketchup. That don't make no sense, do it?

Holy crap! I don’t know which way it is to the beach. I can’t find sunscreen anywhere because it’s December. And I can’t find any good Mexican food in Puerto Rica. That don’t make not sense, do it?! I mean, I can’t even ask where to find a nice authentic Taco Bell because all these people speak that Spanish-talk.
I was so relieved to find Rock Bottom Bar & Grill and some nice boys that spoke my language. They understood all my complaints and were more than happy to listen to me bitch about how the world doesn’t seem to mesh with my small-mindedness. How nice. But then things got confusin’. The ketchup was in the mustard bottle, the mustard was in the ketchup bottle, the salt was in the pepper shaker, and the pepper was in the salt shaker. I asked for a drink on the rocks and the bartender filled my cup then threw it out into the parkin’ lot. Next time I’m taking a stay-cation so I don’t have to deal with all this bull.

Zorro tequila?

DooDoo — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:43:20 +0000

Yes, it exists, and it makes you/me ill. That’s why we don’t sell it here, and that’s why we/I don’t drink it when we/I get off work (anymore).

No purchase, no pay!!!

DooDoo — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:22:56 +0000

pic from www.piratemerch.com

So buy a drink for that booty! Or is it the other way around? Damn, this pirate stuff can be confusing if you aren’t drunk enough. Bartender! More rum! Anyway, it’s time for some privileged information… If the power ever goes out here (it rarely does), and you need to find us in the dark of night. Or if the afternoon cocktails have distorted your navigational readings. Or if you want to know, exactly, where the “X” on Rincon’s treasure map lies - I’ll share with you the exact coordinates to get you up belly-up to our bar. Huddle close and don’t let the scalawags see… 18°22′09.6″N, 67°15′29″W.

FA Q.

DooDoo — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:56:16 +0000

Time to share some frequently asked questions we hear at The Verde often enough to share for the common good. Included for your reading pleasure are the 100% true answers (TA) as well as our smart-ass answers (SAA) that we try to keep bottled up in our steamy little brains. Remember, there aren’t any stupid questions - just stupid people, which leads me to our first FA Q.
1) How can you say that? Didn’t you used to be a teacher?
TA - Yes.
SAA - Yes. And?
2) Yo, you got any waters up in here dog?
TA - Yes. We sell gallons of water for $1.50 and smaller bottles for $1.
SAA - Yeah homey, for real, we has the dopest H20s up in this piece, yo. How firsty is you, dog?!
3) How much is a Medalla?
TA - $1.50, kind sir.
3a) I have $.87. Can I get a Medalla?
TA - No.
SAA - No, but for free you can go to the library and spend the day reading The Complete Idiots Guide to Free Market Economics or “Buying Stuff” for Dummies until you have this whole point-of-sale thing figured out. Hint: Basically, you need the value of the money in your pocket to be equal to OR greater than the number on the price tag. Good luck.
4) Which way is it to the beach from here?
TA - Right down this road out here, about 75 yards.
SAA - Well, let’s see… this direction over here goes up a steep hill with tons of palm trees everywhere. At the top of the hill, where you just came from, there’s more trees and valleys. And over heeeeere, there’s a distinct line of palms with nothing beyond them but that salty breeze that’s blowing in this direction. I’d try back up at the top of the hill. Don’t forget your surf board.
5) What’s does “no tabs” mean?
TA - It means you have to pay for everything when you want it, not the next day or week or month.
5a) Oh. Okay. Can I get a pack of cigarettes, and I’ll pay you tomorrow? I promise.
SAA - Sure! And hey, don’t worry about paying until someone invents a Delorian that actually travels through time. When they do, borrow it, or better yet, “buy one” and finance it for zero money down at signing (you’ll love that), travel back to this moment in time and then pay me on time! Then I could borrow your time traveling wheels and go back to three minutes ago and lock the door as you approached, so I’d have never had to deal with your idiocy.

Just scratching the surface here. Don’t worry, I’ll FA Q again soon.

Buzz, your girlfriend - WOOF!!!

DooDoo — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:20:02 +0000

Subwoofer that is. Yes, we know our chairs aren’t the most comfortable. No, we did not go buy you vibrating bar stools to ease the pain. That’s just our new subwoofer you feel jigglin’ your drawers. Ohhhhhh, the vibrrrrrrrations!!!

Yes, we have wireless

DooDoo — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:13:54 +0000

We do have wireless internet available at Casa Verde. Sometimes. Just like we have cable TV reception but not always. We do not have computers for rent, and if your laptop doesn’t automatically log-in to available networks, I don’t think we know our password. So feel free to come on down and check your email, MyFace, YourBook, eharmony - or change your flight so you can stay longer. You know you want to.

SPAM! Mmmm, tastes like depression.

DooDoo — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:37:47 +0000

According to CNN, SPAM sales are on the rise possibly because of the increasingly trying economic times in the United States. Production at the SPAM plant has doubled in anticipation of the nouveax-poor’s increased taste for the highly processed meat product. SPAM sales numbers are beginning to parallel their record highs that they haven’t seen since The Great Depression.

This pattern is also reflected in Casa Verde’s store where the very same day we sold out of our entire SPAM inventory. Whoa. Don’t worry all you economically depressed people (and stray dogs), we’ll double, maybe even triple, our efforts to keep SPAM on our shelves.
In other SPAM news, this blog receives plenty of spam in its in-box, probably because it rules. Even though these spammers aren’t real people, I’d like to take a moment to answer a few of their posts here in case they share any of the same concerns as our real readers:
“Kelly Geraldino” writes, “pd3Rgj-iutbcx33″
Thank you for your question Kelly. To that I would have to say, in all honesty, “gbnqm23-poijjklmm,b”

“China Man” writes, “Thanks you for you are blogging. It makes me thinking and to smile.”
Thank you, sir. I didn’t know spam had the capacity for multi-ethnic personality traits and/or stereotypes.

“Jordan Chastain” writes, “Free Pills!!! Add Inches and Sensation! Are You A Real Man!? Do You Want To Be A Tiger In Bed? Free Pills!!! Be a Superman! More Pleasure!!! Free Pills!!!”
Oooooo-kay. Jordan, maybe don’t eat all the pill samples when you’re bored at work, and ease up on the exclamation points.