BYOT - Build Your Own Table
We sell the beer pong balls. You build the table. The balls are like our beers – they come in six packs, but they’re cheaper than the suds.
Photo by Shampoo a.k.a. fatandtan.com
If you ain’t never been in the barrel, don’t ever go in the barrel, cuz you wouldn’t understand the barrel, so stay the bleep outta tha barrel. Word.
This is Chowder – in his natural habitat a few days ago. When he’s not dropping in on bombs like this at ________’s (haha it’s a secret), he’s drinking Sam Adams or Presidentes at our joint, using the free wireless interwebs to check out our blog and read about himself. That’s big time son!
Mr. Barackidente, with all due respect, try and bodysurf THIS!
El Presidente Obama a.k.a. King Neptune
This post is a brief social studies lesson for the incredibly ill-informed guy who came into the bar yesterday as the presidential inaugural parade was playing on the TV. He watched for a few minutes then asked, “What’s going on? What’s all this about?” Oh, where to begin?
Ok man, it’s like this. We (most of us) are from a country called The United States of America. The guy that’s in charge of America is called the president. Can you say pres-i-dent? Every four years people in America are allowed to vote for the person they want to be in charge. Yesterday, that guy on TV is the guy that won the new-president contest. His election is probably the single most important historical event that will happen during our life time for various reasons – whoa whoa, I feel like I’m losing you. Ok, look at the picture above. You like pictures, right? That guy in the picture is called Barack Obama. He’s an amazing body surfer. A little while ago he won the world body surfing championship, so yesterday they had a parade for him on TV. Neat, huh? His surf video should be out soon.
Left foot purple!
The Casa Verde colmado (that’s Spanish for “7-11″) now, officially, almost, has absolutely anything you need to get weird any given night of your vacay. Yes, we’ve always sold booze & brews & butts & blunts. Now, we have toys to help you get silly while you’re getting silly. We have ping-pong balls, playing cards, dominoes, oreos, and panty hose. Oh yeah, and Twister. You’ll still need to supply your own Crisco or KY – we don’t have everything, yet. So baby, what are YOU doing later? Baby steps toward greasy, drunken Twister party that might lead to a paternity suit… Baby steps toward greasy, drunken Twister party that might lead to a paternity suit…
Playaoeste Surf Art Gallery
Val and Eric travel the world over (cheap excuse to go surfing) to find the best tropical surf art. Their extensive tastefull collection fills this Playa Oeste site for you to enjoy. Framing is available. We ship all over the world. Please feel free to contact Val or Eric if you have any questions about ordering. When in Puerto Rico stop by our galley and enjoy the art and the view.
They Pack And Ship Worldwide. So any of the fine artists works you see throughout their gallery and website can be hanging on your walls or on display in any fashion in the short time it takes Fed Ex or UPS to reach your door.
Visit Their New Gallery Road 413 Km 0.5
In the lush tropical West coast Puerto Rico. The eclectic surf art Collection of Valerie Evans and her love bucket Eric Steen.
Flying Fish Parasail
Reservations are suggested but walk ups are welcome. The boat leaves on the hour so please arrive 15 minutes before your scheduled flight time. Single & Tandem Flights Available The boat is US Coast Guard certified, 100% safety record. Space Available for up to 12 passengers. Group discount for groups of 6 or more fliers. Observers are welcome to ride along CUSTOMIZE YOUR FLIGHT GET WET, STAY DRY |
Contact us about a trip |
Flying Fish Parasail is open 7 days a week. Their first trip starts at 9 am. and last trip leaves at 5 pm. Also Available:
SNORKEL EXPRESS
We specialize in SNORKELERS ONLY – No Scuba trips
Local Inner Reef Trips – $55.00
Outer Reef – $85.00 (includes snorkel gear)
Boat leaves at 8 AM
Refreshments Provided
Boat is US Coast Guard certified for 12 passengers *6 person min
PADI Certified Divemaster
Visit beautiful Escollo Negro “Black Reef” and Local Reef “Tres Palmas”
GLASS BOTTOM BOAT TOURS
$30.00 per person 9AM to 4PM
Refreshments provided
US Coast Guard certified to hold 12 passengers and
USCG Licensed Crew
Tour Rincon & Local Reefs See Tres Palmas Marine Reserve from the ONLY Glass Bottom Boat in Rincon Enjoy a unique experience
Look for tropical fish, sea turtles, live coral on the beautiful living reef or Tres Palmas
SUNSET/WHALE WATCH TOURS
$45.00 per person
Refreshments provided
USCG Certified for 12 passengers *6 person minimum
USCG Licensed Crew & USCG Inspected Vessel
Cruise the local waters of the Mona Passage, where the Caribbean Ocean meets the Atlantic Ocean off the scenic coast of Rincon
SEE THE GREEN FLASH!!!!
CALL FOR RESERVATIONS – 787 823 2FLY
SEE OUR PAGE FOR OUR DISCOUNT SPECIALS & COMBO PACKAGES
Or a note from your mom is okay.
This is for all you McLovins out there. Welcome to Puerto Rico! The legal drinking age here is 18. Sweet, right? If you are 15 and have a nice mustache you might get lucky, but if you get asked for ID and you don’t have a legal one, at least have your game worked out kid.
For example:
Couple nights ago a squeaky voiced kid timidly comes up to the bar and orders a rum and coke. I ask for ID. He says he ain’t got it. So, no brewski, bro-ski. He tells me, “But I’m staying here” (like that changes his age). “Okay,” I say. “What room?” After the slightest pause he says, “212.” I asked how everything was with his accommodations – if he need more towels or an extra pillow mint. “No, I’m cool.” Yeah, I know you are, McLovin. Only problem is our rooms here only go up to 204. Get your story straight.
Don’t worry gangsta. I know not being allowed to drink makes you want to do it more, and maybe you’ve already “partied,” and kicked back a few Smirnoff Ices. But take the time to enjoy life’s simpler, underage pleasures – like riding bikes, hula hooping, or eating lolly pops. Trust me, there’s plenty of time for drinking later in life. And when you are legal, you won’t want goofy little McLovins trying to come in to drink at your favorite bar.
I haven’t written since Christmas because the season has officially taken off. Partying every night. Lots of hot chicks in town (finally). I haven’t know what day it is for about two weeks, and I don’t care.
At Casa Verde, we’re all here because we’re not all there. If you aren’t here, you’re not all there. Simply put, if you ain’t here, you’re missing the party.
Dings Happen…
From their first use, boards are always getting dings. Damages happen to surfboards being dropped at the airport, hitting rocks, hitting other boards and/or surfers out in the water, or simply from bouncing around in the back of your truck. Once this happens, the board will become water-logged, weigh more, and not perform how it should. A common quick fix is to throw some duct tape over the crack. This really doesn’t solve the problem though. Get it fixed right!
Contact Rapid Ding Repair for the Best Rates and Professional Repairs.
Tony Palaia “Master Craftsman” at RDR
t: 443.783.3309
Merry Christmas boys and girls! If you were a good boy or girl this year, we have whatever you may wish for at Casa Verde – as long as you wish for beer, booze, and burgers. If you want reliable electricity, steaming hot water, and a mint on your pillowcase – BAH RUMBUG!!! There are less fortunate people (on Wall Street) that would be perfectly happy with our 3Bs. Don’t get greedy now. Santa is still watching, you little grinch you! He might even be surfing, but he still sees you.
Rock Bottom rocks! I know it. You know. Your mom, depending who she is, knows it too. And now we have proof of how much some folks love this bar. Last night, I mean, this morning RBCV encountered its first somnambulist, which is a fancy word for sleep walker (in case it’s ever on your crossword puzzle). One of our guests rocked out hard on his last night here at Casa Verde where he’d been having an incredible time. At 6:15 this morning, our security cameras showed some activity at the bar. This fine young gent sleep walked from his room back up to the bar before sunrise, climbed up on to the bar, where he writhed around and fell back to sleep for about twenty minutes, nuzzling into the hardwood like it was a down comforter. He “woke up” again, sleep walked to the other side of the bar, and started to get cozy again before finally sleep walking back to his room. Some video analysts claim there was some subconscious pelvic thrusting going on on top of the bar. Hey, if you love Rock Bottom, you love Rock Bottom, whether you know it or not.
This blog, like most others I’m sure, receives a lot of spam – and not the tasty canned kind. I didn’t think there was anything interesting about spam until this occurred to me today… the first few words of consecutive spam messages sounds an awful lot like an e.e. cummings poem. For those that don’t know, Mr. Cummings was an early to mid 1900s poet who was highly experimental with form, syntax, and punctuation usage, making him known for a markedly idiosyncratic style. Nevertheless, he is one of the U.S.’s most influential though lesser known poets because he played second fiddle to Robert Frost. If you haven’t heard of Frost, go back to middle or high school and stay awake during English. Anyhoo, what follows are a few first lines of spam we received strung together to sounds mildly poetic. Keep in mind, Valentine’s day is on the distant horizon, so you can steal this bologna and used it on your significant other after a few cocktails. Your other probably won’t get it at all, which is your opportunity to vaguely explain “your poem” and sound dark and mysterious i.e. more savvy in the sack – your welcome ahead of time bro. If he or she claims he/she likes the poem and “gets” what your saying, you are dating an idiot. Congratulations. Enjoy the as yet untitled “poem.”
Jeremy and worried for
archives does more queries:
move those combines
earth! they amon dip-
fourth shift; made sense
ship confiscate the, dreamers
steam kissed precisely that
morning was overrun.
Tomato mustard and yellow ketchup. That don't make no sense, do it?
Holy crap! I don’t know which way it is to the beach. I can’t find sunscreen anywhere because it’s December. And I can’t find any good Mexican food in Puerto Rica. That don’t make not sense, do it?! I mean, I can’t even ask where to find a nice authentic Taco Bell because all these people speak that Spanish-talk.
I was so relieved to find Rock Bottom Bar & Grill and some nice boys that spoke my language. They understood all my complaints and were more than happy to listen to me bitch about how the world doesn’t seem to mesh with my small-mindedness. How nice. But then things got confusin’. The ketchup was in the mustard bottle, the mustard was in the ketchup bottle, the salt was in the pepper shaker, and the pepper was in the salt shaker. I asked for a drink on the rocks and the bartender filled my cup then threw it out into the parkin’ lot. Next time I’m taking a stay-cation so I don’t have to deal with all this bull.
Yes, it exists, and it makes you/me ill. That’s why we don’t sell it here, and that’s why we/I don’t drink it when we/I get off work (anymore).
pic from www.piratemerch.com
So buy a drink for that booty! Or is it the other way around? Damn, this pirate stuff can be confusing if you aren’t drunk enough. Bartender! More rum! Anyway, it’s time for some privileged information… If the power ever goes out here (it rarely does), and you need to find us in the dark of night. Or if the afternoon cocktails have distorted your navigational readings. Or if you want to know, exactly, where the “X” on Rincon’s treasure map lies – I’ll share with you the exact coordinates to get you up belly-up to our bar. Huddle close and don’t let the scalawags see… 18°22’09.6″N, 67°15’29″W.
Time to share some frequently asked questions we hear at The Verde often enough to share for the common good. Included for your reading pleasure are the 100% true answers (TA) as well as our smart-ass answers (SAA) that we try to keep bottled up in our steamy little brains. Remember, there aren’t any stupid questions – just stupid people, which leads me to our first FA Q.
1) How can you say that? Didn’t you used to be a teacher?
TA – Yes.
SAA – Yes. And?
2) Yo, you got any waters up in here dog?
TA – Yes. We sell gallons of water for $1.50 and smaller bottles for $1.
SAA – Yeah homey, for real, we has the dopest H20s up in this piece, yo. How firsty is you, dog?!
3) How much is a Medalla?
TA – $1.50, kind sir.
3a) I have $.87. Can I get a Medalla?
TA – No.
SAA – No, but for free you can go to the library and spend the day reading The Complete Idiots Guide to Free Market Economics or “Buying Stuff” for Dummies until you have this whole point-of-sale thing figured out. Hint: Basically, you need the value of the money in your pocket to be equal to OR greater than the number on the price tag. Good luck.
4) Which way is it to the beach from here?
TA – Right down this road out here, about 75 yards.
SAA – Well, let’s see… this direction over here goes up a steep hill with tons of palm trees everywhere. At the top of the hill, where you just came from, there’s more trees and valleys. And over heeeeere, there’s a distinct line of palms with nothing beyond them but that salty breeze that’s blowing in this direction. I’d try back up at the top of the hill. Don’t forget your surf board.
5) What’s does “no tabs” mean?
TA – It means you have to pay for everything when you want it, not the next day or week or month.
5a) Oh. Okay. Can I get a pack of cigarettes, and I’ll pay you tomorrow? I promise.
SAA – Sure! And hey, don’t worry about paying until someone invents a Delorian that actually travels through time. When they do, borrow it, or better yet, “buy one” and finance it for zero money down at signing (you’ll love that), travel back to this moment in time and then pay me on time! Then I could borrow your time traveling wheels and go back to three minutes ago and lock the door as you approached, so I’d have never had to deal with your idiocy.
Just scratching the surface here. Don’t worry, I’ll FA Q again soon.
Subwoofer that is. Yes, we know our chairs aren’t the most comfortable. No, we did not go buy you vibrating bar stools to ease the pain. That’s just our new subwoofer you feel jigglin’ your drawers. Ohhhhhh, the vibrrrrrrrations!!!
We do have wireless internet available at Casa Verde. Sometimes. Just like we have cable TV reception but not always. We do not have computers for rent, and if your laptop doesn’t automatically log-in to available networks, I don’t think we know our password. So feel free to come on down and check your email, MyFace, YourBook, eharmony – or change your flight so you can stay longer. You know you want to.
According to CNN, SPAM sales are on the rise possibly because of the increasingly trying economic times in the United States. Production at the SPAM plant has doubled in anticipation of the nouveax-poor’s increased taste for the highly processed meat product. SPAM sales numbers are beginning to parallel their record highs that they haven’t seen since The Great Depression.
This pattern is also reflected in Casa Verde’s store where the very same day we sold out of our entire SPAM inventory. Whoa. Don’t worry all you economically depressed people (and stray dogs), we’ll double, maybe even triple, our efforts to keep SPAM on our shelves.
In other SPAM news, this blog receives plenty of spam in its in-box, probably because it rules. Even though these spammers aren’t real people, I’d like to take a moment to answer a few of their posts here in case they share any of the same concerns as our real readers:
“Kelly Geraldino” writes, “pd3Rgj-iutbcx33″
Thank you for your question Kelly. To that I would have to say, in all honesty, “gbnqm23-poijjklmm,b”
“China Man” writes, “Thanks you for you are blogging. It makes me thinking and to smile.”
Thank you, sir. I didn’t know spam had the capacity for multi-ethnic personality traits and/or stereotypes.
“Jordan Chastain” writes, “Free Pills!!! Add Inches and Sensation! Are You A Real Man!? Do You Want To Be A Tiger In Bed? Free Pills!!! Be a Superman! More Pleasure!!! Free Pills!!!”
Oooooo-kay. Jordan, maybe don’t eat all the pill samples when you’re bored at work, and ease up on the exclamation points.
1) Rock Bottom and the Casa Verde store will not open until 7 or 8 pm on Thanksgiving (this Thursday), depending on how many Turkey coladas I have at Bill-dini’s.
2) DJ GuyPod show this Friday night, 10 pm.
3) Angelo Cordero surf pic slideshow this Saturday 10 pm (supposing I can figure out how to hook up the new DVD player by then.
Word to your mother.
